


All I Want

by lililz2005



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Sick Character, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29660259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lililz2005/pseuds/lililz2005
Summary: Ushijima was just living a rather simple life. He was in college now and was playing for a good volleyball team. That's all he wants. That is until a certain person from his past shows up. Tendou is trying to make the best of his life right now. The two get mixed up together. But Tendou has to remember, each day is closer to his eventual death.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Kudos: 10





	All I Want

He had never been followed like this before. 

Those late night strolls that he took after his volleyball games where those moments he felt at peace. It gave him a sense of calm that washed over him. He likes the feeling of the cold air pass through his hair and having his path lit by the moonlight from above him. Ushijima enjoyed those simple things in life. He had constantly worked hard for moments like these.

Ushijima was a college student who was never doubted of his abilities from others. Whether that be academics or sports. Even when he barely spoke he seemed to be a popular man. He supposed it was luck, never thinking it may have to do something with his good looks.

But as his thought process went on about his day, he noticed something strange. There was a darkness behind him, he assumed it was a shadow. Though who would it be? He had had crazy girls follow him around after one of his volleyball games. Though this seemed to be a very tall person, very unlike the girls who were usually 5'8 and under.

No one had been walking near the area he had been that he was aware of. This person must have come out nowhere.

Even with all the turns and long roads that he took he couldn't shake off this person. He had this cold feeling on the back of his neck that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand. There was an uncomfortable silence filled by the sounds of cicadas and crickets. Otherwise all he could hear was his own footsteps and the slight taps of the feet behind him. 

Maybe he was just being paranoid but what if he wasn't? What if he really was being followed, but who would follow him? He didn't know if anyone would do this to him. And no one seemed to like to prank him since he would never give too much of a reaction. So who or what may this be?

When he finally reached his apartment he quickly locked the door. He had his back against it breathing out slowly. He didn't realize he was holding his breath in. 

Paranoia soon was forgotten as he put his belongings away. He took a nice hot shower to shake off the cold feeling that was still on his neck. It made him feel a lot better after that incident. He really wouldn't call it an incident now that he thought about it. It was just him overthinking. Hot water ran down his back. He could feel each drop hit his body. The shampoo felt nice in his hair, it soothed him into a sleepy state.

After his shower he brushed his teeth and went straight to bed. He was exhausted after his day. Physically and mentally.

He always pushed himself to his limits and never realized he never took care of himself like he should. But he couldn't help himself . He lived alone in a small apartment. His family was all gone now and his only friends were from the volleyball team. Now that he was in college that felt like very few.

He used to have plenty of friends in high school from his volleyball team. Although eventually everyone started growing distant. Until they all never contacted each other again. Only one friend of his remained, and that was Semi. 

With these thoughts floating around in his head. He slowly drifted off into a deep sleep.

The next day he woke up and got ready for school like usual. Nothing was out of the ordinary until his walk to school. His small apartment was not far from the university he attended. So it was never a hassle to take a nice walk. Even when there was snow he opted to walk.

He felt the cold presence behind his neck again and could feel his hair stand up. He turned around only to see his shadow back behind the corner. It was the same shadow. It had to be.

He shook his head in annoyance, trying to shake off the feeling that resided in him. He had a familiar feeling. Though he didn't understand why .

That is not until after school.

Leaving the university put him at ease oddly enough. University was becoming stressful for him and he was still sweaty after the practice matches he had for volleyball. He also was exhausted from an essay he had to write today. 

The sky was a beautiful mix of orange and pinks as the day got later. After school he had gone to a small coffee shop to study before heading home.

He was not surprised to see the shadow behind him again. It looked from the corners of buildings. He began not to mind. Freaking out would not have been the correct answer. If anything it might have made the situation worse.

"Ushijima" he heard footsteps behind him. The voice sounded distant but familiar. He tried to reach the back of his mind to think of who it was. 

He knew the man, which he figured out from the voice, was someone he had known. Someone he felt he could trust. Except he could think of one person he had ever trusted. Which was his father. Sadly enough, he had passed away from a sudden heart attack about a year ago while he was in his first year of University.

Ushijima quickened his pace and pretended like he never heard the voice from behind him. 

With each step he made he could hear it echo behind him from the other man. At one point their footsteps were made at the same time. It was a strange occurrence.

"Ushijima, please wait! I really didn't mean to scare you away!" The voice called out once more. 

Then it struck Ushijima. It was the man who he actually did trust. The one who had a wild time at volleyball. The one who he considered his best friend not too long ago. 

Tendou Satori.

He turned around slowly, almost as if he was afraid the person behind would disappear. 

"It's nice to see you again Wakatoshi." Tendou stood there with a baggy sweatshirt and jeans on. His signature smile was in place upon his face and a beanie rested on his head covering his hair. He was at the end of the sidewalk leaning against the corner of a building. In this neighborhood there weren't many people so no one really passed between them. Which just let the silence grow but it was more of a content silence. 

"Hello Tendou, it's nice to see you again" Ushijima said with a genuine smile that he hadn't shown in ages. But it wasn't like anyone besides him who knew that. 

"I know this will sound weird but can we talk one on one? I need to ask you a favor." Ushijima noticed Tendou fidget while he asked. He just let out a simple nod and tendou beamed. 

His smile was bright as ever, but the bags under his eyes could still be seen. Ushijima was quite perceptive of his surroundings and people. 

"Walk with me to my apartment and we can talk there." He said in his usual monotone voice and turned back around. He began to walk and heard footsteps quicken behind him until they were matched up with his own again. 

"You know Wakatoshi-kun, it's been a while since we've talked. You should tell me what you have been up to!" He said smiling with his hands in his black oversized hoodie. 

"Alright then. I have been attending my University for two years now. I am still in volleyball and plan to be on Japan's national Team after University. I live in a small apartment for now until my job at a local coffee shop gets me enough money to buy a better apartment." He stated simply. 

"Still as emotionless as ever I see," he sighed. "I bet there is something you feel deep down that you aren't showing me. I will crack this case." He nodded to himself in satisfaction before once again looking at Ushijima. 

"I've actually been attending a university myself. It's alright but I hate taking tests. They take way too long" he said emphasizing on 'way'.

When they finally got the apartment, Ushijima unlocked the door and opened it with a creek. He stepped out of the way for Tendou to step in first. After he closed the door he turned around to find Tendou admiring the small place. 

His eyes were big and full of wonder as he searched around the room at his apartment. He had always been a curious man, Ushijima observed, even in volleyball he was like that during their high school days. 

“You know it's a shame that I don't have a place to stay tonight. Due to some certain... reason. I am misfortunate soul at the moment. Do you mind if I crash at your place for the night? I know that this is sudden, but I just wanted to ask just in case.”

Even though Ushijima was slightly taken aback he managed a small response.

"Yes, you can."

With that said, Tendou quickly opened a gray backpack Ushijima hadn't noticed until now. Which was weird to say at the least. 

Inside, from what could be seen by Ushijima, were unpopped popcorn bags and DVDs. They were all stuffed rather hastily looking upon some change of clothes that were probably randomly shoved in. 

"Even though it's Thursday I suppose you still have school. Although who says how early we have to go to bed?" He bopped his head side to side as if he was listening to music as he went through the movies. 

"This will be one of our first sleepovers together. Isn't that neat Wakatoshi-kun?" Ushijima was given a look. One he couldn't quite understand. It was like Tendou was expecting something from him, but more than just the usual "yes" that would be replied with. 

“Anyaways,” Tendou started before Ushijima could even respond,”I think we should watch Pirates of the Carribean series. I’m sure that you would like it just as much as I do.”

Just like that, Tendou had once again entered Ushijima’s life.  
-  
After watching the Bee Movie, Tendou had insisted on watching it, Ushijima had decided it was time for bed. He did his normal routine of taking a shower, using the restroom, brushing his death and laying down. Except for the last one. 

This time he had to make a bed for Tendou who had earlier asked to sleep at his place. He gave him the couch to sleep on for the night . He set up with a few blankets and an extra pillow. Before leaving the room he made sure that Tendou was all right who had looked rather pale. Throughout the night he had actually noticed how pale he was. Though, he may have been like that his whole life and it might have been too long since he had seen him to judge.

He also never took off that beanie of his. It was always on his head covering it up. Ushijima had decided to let it be, and not ask any questions. It was probably for the best anyways. especially since Tendou was now already asleep with Ushijima standing at the doorway. 

Quietly he turned off the light at the end of the couch near Tendou's feet and headed to his own room. When he first got the place he never thought of getting a two bedroom apartment but now he was regretting it. He wasn't going to dwell on it too much, that would only cause him to get a small amount of sleep. He didn't want to deal with that especially with volleyball.

The next morning Ushijima woke up to get ready for school. When he was already he stepped into the kitchen, which was rather small, to grab a granola bar for breakfast. The past few days he hadn't made himself breakfast. And was barely finding the motivation to do so with his overthinking mind which wasn't the usual for him.

When he stepped into the kitchen he could smell and hear bacon. Standing at the stove was Tendou dressed and ready for the day. He was wearing an outfit similar to the one of yesterday that included his beanie.

He was coming to himself a little tune. One that seemed catchy and one that Ushijima could recognize. It was from Pirates of the Caribbean. 

He peeked over Tendou's shoulder to see he was indeed making bacon along with eggs.

"Smells good." Ushijima said as he walked towards the front door to grab his shoes. Tendou hummed a reply back and began getting plates out. Ushijima was confused on how he knew where they were.

" You know, these eggs and bacon are not going to eat themself." he said as he set a plate that was filled, down on the small kitchen table. 

Tendou just smiled at him and sat down at the table. He motioned toward the spot that had the food with his head.

Ushijima thanked him and sat down. It was pretty good. 

"Tendou," he started after swallowing a bite of eggs, "do you not want any food?" 

"Ah, no, I'm good. Though thank you Wakatoshi-kun for asking. I had a few pieces of bacon earlier." He said and watched Ushijima began to eat again. 

"Thank you again for the food." 

"Any time." 

Ushijima stood up and put his plate and fork in the sink. They went in with a small clank before Ushijima started washing them. He mind as well do it now before the sink begins to pile up. 

"I can do that for you if you want." Tendou stated as he made his way over beside Ushijima. 

"Next time if you want to you can" he said concentrating on scrubbing with the bubbles. Before he even realized what he said Tendou's smile somehow got bigger. 

"So there  
be a next time. That's good to know. So does that mean I can crash at your place for maybe, I don't know, another night? Maybe we can do something together today after you come back from school!" He jumped and made his way to the front door. 

"Can I walk with you to school?"

"Yes. Yes you can." Nodded the tall man as he put on his shoes. To him, that was a yes for both, and Tendou understood. 

Together they both walked out the door with Ushijima locking it with the jingle of his key.

Ushijima was actually thankful to walk with the redhead. He enjoyed the company of him a lot. The night before they had sat in only the light of the tv. Both were cuddled up under the same blanket. Not cuddled together, but still sharing a blanket that wasn't big nonetheless. Which had actually made Ushijima a little nervous, but otherwise it was nice. 

Now, he had only wanted to spend more time with Tendou. 

It seemed like his other goals in life had been pushed away and Tendou was all that mattered. He misses seeing him smile, and hearing his voice. It was enjoyable when he hummed a little tune, which he always did. Even as they walked together, he was humming. 

“ Do you want to go out with me tonight instead of ordering a pizza like we did last night?” He questioned while giving a glance over to Tendou. 

Tendou gave a quick glance over to his friend who was looking back. He quickly looked away and focused on the path in front of home. Of course he had wanted to say yes but having dinner with Ushijima? He had even asked to go out, like a date. Though he was sure Ushijima never meant it that way. Either way, he was still excited to go.

“Yeah I would love to. Actually we should make this an adventure. Do you want to go to that amusement park nearby that was just built recently around here? The last time i went they had so many good food trucks!” He reached his arms in the sky with those last words, like he was able to touch the stars. 

Ushijima was still looking at him but with a smile on his face this time instead of a blank expression like usual. He really loved it when Tendou got excited like this. It made him feel happy as well. It meant a lot to him to see him like this. So, with a smile, he gave a happy yes in reply. Which made Tendou very happy. Which made Ushijima very happy. 

Tendou started singing about their time that they will have tonight. Ushijima gave a small chuckle that surprised the both of them. They both paused and looked at each other on the sidewalk. Tendou put a hand on his mouth with big eyes trying to hold back his own laughter. Ushijima raised an eyebrow and Tendou couldn't hold it together. They both started laughing and holding their stomachs. Tendou had tears in his eyes as they continued on their way to Ushijima's school. 

Once there Tendou waved goodbye as Ushijima adjusted the satchel full of textbooks that he had. The rest of school he had only thought about Tendou and their time together. People began to notice him smiling more and even painting it out. Ushijima realized that he had never given as much thought as he did not about Tendou. He noticed him, sure, and he was also his best friend. At least that's what he believed. Maybe he had given him more glances than most people would, but that didn't compare to now. Now he could only think about him. He didn't understand his feelings yet, but just assumed that he missed having his friend around. Which he really did. 

Tendou on the other hand was bored. He didn't have much to do except look around the neighborhood. He took several walks while his friend was gone. Which gave home time to think. When he felt tired he finally decided to go back to Ushijima's place. He had given him the spare key earlier so he could get in and out as he pleased. He wasn't permanently living in, it was just for another day they had decided. Though, Tendou wouldn't be against being roommates. He liked being with Ushijima. A lot. 

He could still remember the laughter he heard earlier. That was the first time he had ever seen Ushijima act that way. Usually he seemed emotionless. Maybe a smile shouldn't be unusual, but for Ushijima it was. In all his life he was never so ecstatic about someone laughing. He really did enjoy watching it. It was funny and really cute to see him like that. Maybe saying cute was weird but no one would disagree if they had seen themselves. Right? 

Tendou layed down on the couch and decided to watch a movie. Eventually, because he was really tired out, he fell asleep. 

Ushijima's walk home felt lonely without Tendou beside him. He was happy that they met once again. It seemed to bring out a whole new side of Ushijima that he never even knew about. He was almost…. excited to go with Tendou tonight. Excited was the perfect word for how he felt. He had never done this with a person besides with his father. So it would be a new experience for him. One that he hoped would go well. 

When he arrived home and unlocked the door, he saw Tendou fast asleep on the couch. As quietly as he could, he took off his shoes and headed for his room down the hall. Once he put his things away in his room he sighed. He had just realized how tough school was. He was, for once, thankful for not doing that much in volleyball today. All they did was do some practice games. At one point he had almost called Tendou’s name but soon came to realize that he wasn’t in highschool anymore. Times had changed. Hopefully it was for the better. 

After doing his homework, he set down his pencil and sighed. He was ready to go to the amusement park Tendou had spoken of earlier that day. He felt anxious about it. Which he has almost never felt before. There was a part of him that felt sacred and jittery over it and another that felt happy. He was not a fan of the combination. 

He decided to try to shake off his nerves with a glass of water and seeing if Tendou was awake yet. The day before he had noticed something odd about Tendou. Usually he was full of energy but that wasn't the case now. His eyes were more calm and he looked tired. The bags under his eyes weren't there for a fashion statement either. He constantly had yawned during the movies they watched but insisted on finishing them or "just one more Wakatoshi!" 

When he walked by the living room to turn into the kitchen, he noticed Tendou was still asleep. He walked into the kitchen and got a cup out to get some water. After taking a sip, he heard a slight help and a thud. He put his cup down, almost spilling it, and hurried to the living room. On the floor in front of the couch was the redhead adjusting his hat as he slowly sat up. He looked to be okay except from looking like he just woke up. He seemed just as surprised at Ushijima who was stopped in his tracks in front of the coffee table. 

"Are you alright?" He asked, reaching out a hand towards his friend who was still on the floor. 

Tendou looked up to find Ushijima in front of him wearing a worried face. He smiled softly and said yes. He realized he still hadn't taken the hand that was offered and grabbed it.

"Well aren't you a knight in shining armor. Thank you." he smiled towards Ushijima. 

Tendou noticed that they had been standing like that for a while and didn't complain. Ushijima on the other hand felt content, but also excited in a way. He could feel adrenaline all of the sudden. He was trying hard not to smile too much and to keep a check on his pounding heart. He took a deep breath as he stepped back from Tendou. He turned around and started putting his shoes on. 

"So this amusement park," he began.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! There will be more to come, I promise i wont procrastinate.


End file.
